SeaLetter readers did so well on our Alaska and Caribbean quizzes that we thought we'd try a general cruise quiz for all you experts. Once again we have a multiple choice format and fantastic intangible prizes in the way of memberships in the SeaLetter Hall of Fame (which already covers several acres of a former landfill site).

1. All current Carnival Cruise ships have names that end in "y", "n" or "e":

(a) True
(b) False
(c) neither (a) nor (b)

2. The name of the first Carnival ship was:

(a) Party Animals
(b) Carnivale
(c) Mardi Gras
(d) The Fun Ship
(e) Lesser Cornstalk Borer

3. On the first cruise of the correct ship in question 2:

(a) the ship was impounded by Cuban authorities
(b) the ship went aground
(c) there was a riot during the napkin-folding class
(d) the "hairy chest" competition was open to both men and women

4. Which is incorrect?

(a) Carnival owns Holland America
(b) P&O owns Princess
(c) Celebrity owns Royal Caribbean
(d) Nippon Yusen Kaisha owns Crystal
(e) Carnival owns Cunard

5. P&O stands for:

(a) a vulgar abbreviation for telling someone to get lost
(b) Peninsular & Oriental Steam Navigation Company
(c) Princess & Oriana Cruise Line
(d) Perfectly Ordinary Cruise Line

6. Which day of the week did superstitious sailors believe was an unlucky day for the start of an ocean voyage?

(a) Monday
(b) Wednesday
(c) Friday
(d) Sunday

7. The word "posh" is said to have been created from the acronym P.O.S.H., meaning:

(a) Port Out, Starboard Home
(b) Pee On Staying Home
(c) Peninsular & Oriental Steamship Holdings
(d) Put On Some Hashbrowns

8. And now for the Wheel of Fortune question: what is the name of this Royal Caribbean ship?

SP******* of the Seas

(a) Spendthrift of the Seas
(b) Splendor of the Seas
(c) Spatula of the Seas
(d) Spaghetti of the Seas
(e) Splendour of the Seas
(f) Specimen of the Seas

9. The nautical term "port" means:

(a) the left, as you look towards the bow
(b) the left, as you look towards the stern
(c) the right as you look out to sea
(d) the left when looking in the direction that the ship is moving
(e) a fortified wine

10. Here are some nautical terms with explanations. Which one is wrong?

(a) aft - back or stern
(b) bow - the forward part of a ship
(c) brig - jail
(d) head - toilet
(e) avast - very big
(f) scuppers - an opening to drain water

11. These ships are shown with their former name (or one of their former names) on the left, with the current name on the right. Which one is wrongly matched?

(a) Rotterdam V - Rembrandt
(b) Dreamward - Norwegian Dream
(c) France - Norway
(d) Empress of Canada - Mardi Gras
(e) Annie Hall - CostaAllegra
(f) Sea Venture - Pacific Princess

12. A traditional dish on a cruise ship which is often served on the second-last or last night of a cruise is:

(a) Baked Alaska
(b) Baked Hawaii
(c) Baked Beans
(d) Half-Baked

13. The "caller" at bingo on cruise ships often gives the same silly comment or sound when a certain number is called. What is usually said after the number 22 is called?

(a) eyes of blue
(b) blackjack
(c) honk honk
(d) quack quack
(e) hiss hiss

14. On a cruise ship, "stabilizers" are:

(a) a glass of water and two Tylenol
(b) gym devices to measure the equilibrium of your inner ear
(c) extendible underwater "wings" from the bow and the stern
(d) extendible underwater wings from midships on either side
(e) a drink composed of half beer, half tomato juice

15. Where do the crew sleep on a cruise ship?

(a) in cabins below the passenger decks
(b) on a barge towed behind the cruise ship
(c) ashore
(d) with selected passengers
(e) in the galleys

16. A "purser" on a cruise ship is:

(a) in charge of the passengers' comfort and welfare
(b) a boutique that sells handbags
(c) one who puckers
(d) in charge of the bowling alley

17. Which one is presently the largest cruise ship afloat?

(a) the Grand Princess
(b) the Carnival Destiny
(c) the Norway
(d) the QE2
(e) the Queen Mary
(f) the Voyager of the Seas

18. Here is a list of cruise lines and the year that each was founded. Which one has the wrong date?

(a) Holland America - 1973
(b) Princess - 1965
(c) Royal Caribbean - 1969
(d) Carnival - 1972
(e) Crystal - 1988

19. A ship's speed is measured in knots, being one nautical mile per hour. A nautical mile is:

(a) about 15% longer than a land mile
(b) about 15% shorter than a land mile
(c) the same measurement in Britain and the U.S.
(d) a badly behaved mile

20. Carnival's new absolutely-no-smoking ship is named:

(a) Stinkfree
(b) Camel of the Seas
(c) Puffless Princess
(d) Paradise
(e) Costa Nonsmoka
(f) Paralyse
(g) Norwegian Grass

21. The word "Monrovia" can be seen on the stern of a number of cruise ships and sometimes on the life preservers. Monrovia is:

(a) the capital of the country where the ship is registered
(b) the name of the Italian company which built the ship
(c) the motto of Costa Cruise Lines
(d) I think I'll pass on this one

22. A flag on a ship's mast which is half red, half white, represents the letter "H" and means:

(a) a pilot is on board
(b) a stewardess is on board
(c) there is a health hazard on board
(d) the ship is heeling
(e) Elvis is on board

23. What's the name of the London-based company which runs most of the beauty salons and spas on board cruise ships?

(a) Steiner
(b) Spartan
(c) Seinfeld
(d) Beauty & the Beast
(e) Peddy Cure
(f) Blue Hair Holdings

24. A cruise ship's "gross tonnage" is a measure of its:

(a) volume of enclosed space
(b) weight in drydock
(c) weight of water displacement
(d) passenger weight after the midnight buffet

25. The 1975 TV series "The Love Boat" has been shown on TV in how many countries (prior to the USSR disintegrating into 13 countries)?

(a) 13
(b) 33
(c) 93
(d) 133

26. Which is not a movie about the ill-fated Titanic?

(a) Titanic 1953 (Clifton Webb)
(b) A Night to Remember 1958 (Kenneth More)
(c) S.O.S. Titanic 1979 (David Janssen)
(d) Iceberg Dead Ahead! 1962 (Jean Simmons)
(e) Titanic 1997 (Frances Fisher)

The SeaLetter Cruise Review Board, consisting of managing editor Bob Jackson, his bowling coach and his two cats, Lewis & Clark, will rate entries as follows:

27 or more correct: Absolutely amazing (there's only 26 questions).

20 - 26 correct: Expert. You've cruised too much and have spent your children's inheritance.

10 - 19 correct: Novice. Time to try a cruise line other than Carnival.

0 - 9 correct. Dunderhead. You haven't cruised except for the Staten Island ferry. You have now been entered into the SeaLetter Hall of Infamy.

Originally from Australia, Alan has for some time been permanently settled in Vancouver where he is a practicing Attorney. He has been a SeaLetter columnist, reviewer and our resident humorist for some time now.

To find all of Alan's SeaLetter columns, featured and humorous articles, and cruise and port reviews, visit our SeaLetter COLUMNISTS Index.

Alan loves email, and can be reached at: Alan@sealetter.com.