SeaLetter Cruise Humor: Cruise Ship Survival Kit July 1996

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CRUISE SHIP SURVIVAL KIT
by Daniel Waskie

Following is Daniel Waskie's rather ingenious response to a heated thread on Compuserve's Travel Forum regarding the speculation about food poisoning on Carnival's Jubilee out of Los Angeles last month. Preliminary reports from the CDC indicate an "airborne virus" was the cause of the illnesses, not food poisoning.

DANIEL'S CRUISE SHIP SURVIVAL KIT

Pack for survival:

In an extra suitcase pack the following items (based on two cruising):

10 lbs. of cured Virginia smoked ham.
5 loafs of fresh Tampa Cuban Bread with palmetto leaf baked in.
1700 cans of Tampa Cuban Spanish bean soup.
mustard, mayonaise, can opener, plastic knife, spoon and fork.
2 painter's masks, the type with the two filter cans sticking out the sides.
1700 cheap disposable paper medical masks.
5 gallons of fresh water from the Florida aquifier springs.
fold-up portable card table.

ITINERARY:

DAY 1:

Eat nothing but delicious Tampa style Cuban ham sandwiches and bottled water. Wear your mask respirators this entire day including to shows, casino, and at bedtime.

DAY 2:

Check to see how many folks died on day 1.

1 person died: continue to eat sandwiches today.
2 persons died: continue to eat sandwiches and wear respirator.
3 persons died: continue to eat sandwiches, wear respirator, and unfold card table. Set up card table on main deck and proceed to sell cans of soup to passengers at $5.00/can, masks for $5.00 also.

DAY 3:

Fill empty food suitcase with money (throw away dirty clothes if you need more room for cash), get off the ship and fly home. While at the airport book another cruise with the same line for the following week. Repeat itinerary weekly.

Idea is copyrighted by Daniel Waskie. Franchises Available.

Daniel Waskie is an avid cruiser and frequent visitor and contributor to the Compuserve Cruise Forum. If you'd like to apply for a "franchise", send him an email at: 102711.1757@compuserve.com!